Geek Love: Brief Elegy for Gary Gygax
Dr. Ding’s almost brother-in-law, Nater, requested that I discuss my first experience with Dungeons&Dragons, thereby repping my set, aka Gamer Nerd Brethren and Sistren. Nate knows a closeted gamer when he sees one, and he’s right, I need to let that phreak phlag phly¹.
Picture it: Shampoo-Banana, Illinois. One languid summer, 1981. Polyester plum-smugglers had just come into vogue, and there I was, playing D&D in our basement with a family friend, and a buddy of his he’d invited over. I don’t remember said buddy’s name, but I think it was something exotic like “Wesley” or perhaps “Todd.” He had a peachfuzz moustache and was wearing (non-ironically you see, for it was 1981) a tight ringer tee-shirt and the aforementioned plum-smugglers, with dark, feathered hair. I also recall that he was barefoot, with feet so dirty they were absolutely black on the bottom. And that he also smelled like feet. Or an old gym locker.
But no mind.
I didn’t care. Utterly and completely beguiled by my character’s ability to gain Hit Points by a mere roll of a polyhedral die, plus WesleyTodd’s rather fetching way of belching into his armpit after he’d swigged his grape Crush soda too quickly, I ended up buying the whole game from the family friend for the enormous sum of $9, envisioning many a sequel to our glorious evening, during which I don’t think WesleyTodd actually looked me in the eye one single time, so intent upon his DM-ing duties was he.
I attempted several more times to play D&D with my brother and other friends, but was never again able to recapture the heady glow of that first swoony, dirty-feet-smelling, snug polyester-shorted evening. I never saw WesleyTodd again, and only resumed gaming in graduate school, once I’d safely learned to separate the intoxicating glow of the peachfuzz/plumsmuggler dialectic from the serious business of gaming, and RPGs in particular.
It’s a well-known fact that young male nerdlings do not respect a female if she doesn’t at least match him in terms of intellectual ability; if you can’t creatively get your Chaotic Good Fighter Dwarf Cleric try at least eleven different subtypes of attacking the Evil Sorcerer, you’re just not very interesting. Trying to keep track of the action in an RPG is hard enough to do without being blinded by one’s affections, and for the young Dr. Dingenstein, the mixture thereof was like gasoline and a lit match: KABLAM, baby! No dice², romantically speaking.
Until Dr. Ding met her beloved beyoncé, and he bought her her very own set of hot pink, beglittered polyhedral dice. It’s now True Geek Love +∞.
In honor of Nater’s request and also of the recent death of D&D founder Gary Gygax, I’m also linking to this NY Post article.
¹You know, phone phreaking.
²I know. I shouldn’t have gone there, but I did. Deal. Throw. Whateva.
You are such a dork. It’s well known that all the coolest kids played Vampire:The Masquerade and Magic: The Gathering.
PS. Let’s get together and read comics.
the Ding doesn’t read comics anymore.
i even got her first collection of Promethea.
surprise, surprise you’ll be reading those comics alone, Jenny.
get used to it
cheeseburgers and loneliness…
oh, and thanks.
who knew you’d have such a obsessive recollection on hairstyles and higiene.
ya learn something new everyday.
Jenny and Nater:
I know, I know. Ding = Dorquiera totalmente.
I suck at Magic, but if it buys me a look at your fantasmagorical dollhouse, I will acquiesce to the ass-kicking.
Now now Nater…I DO read comix, but not so much w/the modern ones. I’m old-school*. Hence, the obssessive recall for hairstyles and plumsmugglers.
Question to both: what are your fave modern comics? I need to re-tool, apparently.
*Captain America, Iron Man, X-Men, the Hulk, Red Sonja, Punisher, Spidey, Fantastic 4, Thor, Silver Surfer, Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, Daredevil, Wonder Woman, Electra Woman&Dyna Girl, etc. I was more into Marvel for some reason.
all i can say is ¡~click^!^?±≠
Wow. You lived out my fantasy. Which of course isn’t surprising, you’re always amazing me with your meritorious geequiescence. (<< k to q inspired by “Dorquiera”)
D&D dudes are so hot.
I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to come here and read this story - after a lifetime of people with no appreciation for my love of The D&D Guy, this was so great to read. It reminds me of a little story from my past . . .
The closest I ever came to interacting with someone of the D&D persuasion was back in college, at A&M - a group of them would play D&D in the corner of the commons area until very late almost every night. I would find a zillion excuses to just walk by them and vibe on the heavy geek mystique they were laying down. Talk about Dorquiera. I’d always try to psyche myself into summoning up enough courage to speak to them or to ask if I could play with them, but I never managed to do so.
I’ll never forget the one day in computer lab (I was a comp sci major), one of them approached me to ask if he could do my homework for me. It was some Pascal programming I believe, and he wanted to do it, you know, just because. Which is completely awesome. However, although I really wanted to please the hot little D&D dude, I wanted to do my own programming homework more. This apparently killed all of my chances to ever be permitted into their realm. From that point on they’d notice me passing by alright, they’d notice just long enough to look up from the game and shoot me the evil eye.
And that’s how the story ended. Sad, I know.
I never ever *did* play D&D, not to this day, but I can still see it happening in the future. I did used to play Magic: The Gathering, though. And loved it a lot. Never joined a tournament or anything though - I would just play it with the guy I used to be married to. Even though he isn’t/wasn’t really the type. I still have all of my cards!
Ooo, sorry for the long comment; you struck a chord and I had to write
Also, thanks for the visions of plum-smugglers that will be dancing through my head for the next several days. Mmmmm ….
epiphenita: i!%click#! right back atcha!
Jamie: This totally trumps my experience. Your story had intrigue, suspense, rejection, triumph and solid, no-nonsense comp sci geekery that far outstripped my measly little failed D&D career. I doff my propeller beanie to you, girl!
The beyonce has attempted to teach me Magic: The Gathering on more than one occasion, and try as I might, I just can’t get the hang of it. Maybe at the next MDCQ2 you can dust off ye olde Magic cards and we’ll have some full-on geequiescence, all meritorious-style!!! We will be the envy of all our bloggy peers. Yes. So
Sorry about the plum-smuggler visuals, hon. Couldn’t be helped in this instance. All part of the rich tapestry of memory.
I am sensing that H-town may be on the cusp of a serious Magic:The Gathering resurgence amongst the MDCQ homiez….
Based on Jenny’s comment, now I am totally thinking we could have a Comic (Book) Club. One comic per month. I think I could handle that.
I must confess…. I married a geek. He isn’t so much a D&D geek, but he does paint little pewter figurines and enter competitions. So he’s got a strategic mind, has a creative outlet, and makes bank painting armies for other less talented geeks. Nothin’ wrong with that! I never got into D&D myself - I hung with a rougher crowd, but geek hubby found me another game. Munchkin. It’s a whole other level of geequiescence (I am loving that word!)
I want to design a bumper sticker that says “My Dwarven Cleric could beat up your honor student.”
I think it would sell like gangbusters.
stay away from Magic, Dinger.
you will never get laid.
yes, that was an attempt at subtle, sub-tle humor.
i wonder what the “tle” means in sub-tle. sub is below, right?
Dinger…read anything by Alan Moore.
i can give you no better advice.
here’s a list of other people who do some good stuff with pictures and words.
david collier
robert crumb
harvey pekar
daniel clowes
chris ware
chester brown
los hernadez brothers
dave cooper
sophie crumb
mack white
joe sacco
jim woodering
joe matt
julie doucet
god, did you read anything other than shitty marvel comics?
i have no clue what kinda comics you’d like.
i’m sorta thinking joe matt and daniel clowes?
check out daniel clowes free comic in the new yorker magazine.
it’s called mister wonderful.
OMG.
My first D&D memory is in Shampoo-Banana, when my friend was playing D&D at his house. His sister & I mocked him. It would have been at about that same time - how crazy would it have been if you played D&D with him?
I love that our youths crossed so closely together. That just amuses the hell out of me.
Uhm, by the way - Mike has played D&D and has the dice to prove it. And he now owns a set or two of Magic cards.
I try not to think about it, burying my head in my yarn stash to muffle it all out.