Ask Dr. Ding

As you may remember, we’ve moved back to Denver, where the cost of living is higher and psychologists are a dime-a-dozen, so my caseload is smaller and my net income is lower. There are all manner of shrinks panhandling on streetcorners for patients, hawking their wares like carnival barkers: “Chakras! Get yer chakras buffed here!” and “We’ll process your family-of-origin issues for 50% less than the other gal”. It’s cutthroat. But it’s okay, because it keeps me sharp as well as grateful for what I got. Which brings me to my majestic point.

We’re in a recession. For anyone who has ever spent more than 2 years in grad school, this is pretty much more of same. I spent ages 22-30 as a very po person in my very own personal recession. How did I survive?

1. I ate cheap. I don’t mean I ate Ramen noodles all the time (although my internal organs are now pretty much made of MSG). I almost always brought my lunch or dinner to school or work. I bought in bulk whenever possible, used coupons, and rarely bought brand-name anything. I cooked in large batches and froze what I could. I didn’t usually buy vending machine food because of the giant markup. Well, and because I needed those quarters for laundry.

2. I lived sans student loans for the 1st 3 years. I didn’t own a credit card until my 3rd year, and even then I only used it for larger purchases like airline tickets, car rentals, and conference registrations. Unfortunately I forgot to pay it off for like 5 years, but that’s another story.

3. I walked a lot, even when I could have driven.

4. Socializing often consisted of inviting friends over to watch TV like X-Files, Millenium, etc. Sometimes we’d potluck, sometimes someone would cook. It was very simple but a lot of fun. We shared our VCR tapes with each other, sort of like a flintstonesey version of Netflix.

5. My friends and I would do a lot of lowbrow stuff; farmers’ markets, street fairs, garage sales, auctions, country festivals, etc. We went to local bars to hear bands, rarely to large venues. Sometimes we’d just wander out to a nearby state park and drive around, admiring the scenery. We bowled. We went to the $2 cinema. We took walks in the old Victorian parts of town. It was decidedly low-key, and admittedly by some folks’ standards probably a bit boring. But the point wasn’t to be part of some hip urban scenester thingy, it was to enjoy each others’ company and to experience a break from the strain of research, practicum, exams, jobs. And to get stinking drunk.

6. I bought a lot of my furniture used, except for my mattress and box spring. Dr. Ding does not sleep on dried-up pee. I went to garage sales and hauled bookcases home in the back of my verysmall Nissan. I spray-painted ugly crap to make it look like new and spiffy crap. I draped Xmas lights over lots of stuff. Worked.

7. Bartering. This was pretty informal; help setting up a garage sale for a homemade pizza dinner, or a pair of inline skates for a sewing table. Sometimes my girlfriends and I would do clothing exchanges, complete w/accessories. Note: always wear deodorant when attending one of these. Trust.

8. For clothes, I shopped the clearance racks almost exclusively, and would time big purchases like winter coats or interview suits for those big semi-annual blowout department store sales. I bought a lot of my wardrobe staples at Target and Wal-Mart, basics like t-shirts, turtlenecks, sweats, hose, socks and undies where it didn’t make much difference in terms of quality. I repaired my own hemlines, buttons, and cuffs. I was like some kind of goddamned Laura Ingalls Motherfuckin Wilder, I was.

9. My friends and I would plan our trips and vacations super-carefully. Since a lot of this was pre-internet, we used AAA and Rand-McNally road atlases to compute lodging, mileage and fuel costs. We usually tried to overbudget so that there wouldn’t be any surprises. We bought cheapo package deals to Vegas, went camping, did some 3-day weekends to attend music festivals, ren faires, museum trips, etc. And we still had fun.

Despite my cheapy cheapenheimer tendencies, there have always been a few things I would gladly pay full price for, even back then. Feel free to add your own in the comments, because frankly I haven’t blogged in awhile and my fingers are getting tired.

1. Bras. Oh sweet GirlJesus™ yes. I always would try to find good ones at discount joints like Marshalls first, but it never really bothered me to buy these at regular retail. My brands: Olga, Victoria’s Secret, Le Mystère, Glamorise. Good support makes even inexpensive or poorly-tailored clothes look good.

2. Shoes. Horrid foot problems run in my family. <- Did you see what I just did there? So, I spend $$ on shoes in order to forestall the day when I will be wearing velcroed gastropod orthopedic “comfort oxfords”.

3. Eyeglasses. Because eyeballs are important.

4. Perfume. Because I’m old school like that.

5. Twice-yearly haircut. You can’t fake a really good haircut. I had long hair back then, so I would trim it up and color it myself to keep costs down, but once per semester I’d spring for a professional haircut to prevent me from looking like the Bay City Rollers.

That’s what Dr. Ding gots for ya, as far as surviving this here recession, people. Until next time, I’ll see ya at Wal-Mart, where I’ll be in the underwear aisle pondering the merits of cotton granny panties.

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