Ask Dr. Ding

Hey Dingstereenos!

It feels good to give. Not until you’re broke, burned-out, wildly annoyed, agitated, or a lil bit psychotic…but giving just feels like a good thing to do. Acts of altruism can help enhance feelings of personal accomplishment and self-efficacy, which is a fancy way of saying that when you give, you really feel like you’ve done something more meaningful than, say, tipping your leg waxer.

Two of my favorite charitable organizations are the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, and the Texas Marine Mammal Stranding Network. Oh, and then there are the inimitable Save 2nd Base and Save Second Base charities, who have truly witty t-shirts.

I walked, gasped, limped, and bitched my way through the Chicago Walk last year and I’m doing it again this year in Houston in April. There will probably be a higher bitching-to-walking ratio as the humidity is likely to be significantly irritating to my delicate constitution. But walk I shall. This year Dr. Ding is going to raise $3,600 to help fund medically underserved men and women with the disease by attempting to trudge 39 miserable goddamned concrete miles over the course of 2 days*. There will also be urban camping, of which I am not fond, but last year I was so exhaustedly close to total moral collapse that I just didn’t fucking care where I slept.

Won’t you please allow me to blackmail you into donating? Send me an email and I’ll send you the link to my Avon Walk homepage. Once there, feel free to empty your pockets. Aah. Now don’t you feel peachy?

The TMMSN is a pretty cool organization. And better still, it involves very little straining, grunting and cursing on my part. I give money each year and buy a shitload of t-shirts and festive plastic bracelets so that various unfortunate dolphins that wash up on the Gulf shores can be rehabbed, poked, prodded and pretty much pissed-off back into health. I fucking LOVE dolphins. They’re smart, they’re adorable, and their sonar-like communications may actually have a salutary effect on the human biofield. It doesn’t get much more worthwhile than that, in my book. Which would be called The Book of Ding.

So, during this insane holiday season, think about giving to someone or some charitable organization that doesn’t expect it. Increase the rate at which humanity vibrates in the cosmic orchestra just a half-tone by doing something completely altruistic. It doesn’t have to be flashy, like bankrolling an impoverished Drag Queen burlesque troupe. It doesn’t have to be excessively political or trendy, like financially sponsoring one-eyed orphans who lack cable TV access in the remote Himalayas. Just pick something and donate your time, or supplies, or even money.

At the very least, even if you don’t get that glowing sense of satisfaction for having contributed something to the good of humanity, you’ll probably get a cool t-shirt or something equally festive.

*Imagine my dismay ‘pon learning that 20 miles on concrete feels nothing like 20 miles on nice soft dirt. I had planned to do 39 miles, but fell short. This year Dr. Ding will most assuredly be wearing her orthotics, as keeping her soul inside the confines of her physical body proved a tad difficult last year.