Ask Dr. Ding

Dr. Ding never was too good at New Year’s resolutions; I make them all backwards and counterintuitive-like.

Dr. Ding once made a resolution to eat a LOT more chocolate, and well looky looky…it’s good for you now! Cause and effect, to be sure.

Superheroine JeAnne posted this very clever set of questions from which I’m cribbing here. Rock on, girl.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you had never done before? - Took two cruises with a very dear friend. Swam with dolphins, a lifelong dream. Went to a conference in Laguna Beach. Started blogging in earnest. Joined Twitter and learned everyone goes out a LOT more than I do.

2. What countries did you visit? - Mexico, Jamaica, Grand Cayman Island, California.

3. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? - More free time. More naps. Getting back into sitting meditation. Regular workouts. More dates with The Beyonce. A truly stellar blog logo. Dingish t-shirts on sale in CafePress.

4. What was your biggest achievement of the year? - Tie: 1) Started investing money. 2) Completed 20 miles of the Avon Walk in Chicago, June 2007.

5. Did you suffer any illness or injury? - Couple bouts of flu. Epicondylitis. Racked my left Achilles. Two vein surgeries. Ew.

6. What was the best thing you bought? — Anything on Etsy, especially Surlyramics’ stuff. A Dremel set for The Beyonce. Memory-foam mattress topper.

7. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? - Happier, but tireder.

8. Did you fall in love in 2007? -- It seems like every other week I find out something entirely new and absolutely wonderful about The Beyonce. Despite his peculiar insistence on keeping the kitchen counters neat and clean, I remain In Love with him. I can’t help it. He heals me. Well, that and he’s a stone fox.

9. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? — Vintage 1987 drag queen-meets-former-GothPunk shitkicker, quietly supported by nerd glasses and Ex Officio underpants, and a team of Etsy.com artisans. Plus several pair of sweats from Target, black Uggs, and a penchant for t-shirts from The Mill and The Salt Dogs.

10. What do you wish you’d done more of? What didn’t you get in 2007 that you want for 2008? - I wish I’d gone back to the gym after my 2 surgeries, because now I’m very out of the habit. In 2008, I have the following goals and objectives:

1) Get married. To The Beyonce. In a FIERCE wedding dress. Not sure yet what rhymes with husband.

2) Figure out what rhymes with husband.

3) Plan a trip to Tibet, to take place within the next few years. I’ll be going with Dr. Kat and anyone else who dares accompany us.

4) Get up every day at 6 a.m. to meditate, pray to The Inner Silver Go-Go Boots of GirlJesus, do a lil’ yoga, walk.

5) Remain injury-free when I get back to weight lifting this Spring, and further, if I do get injured, find a neon-pink sparkly cold pack so that the whole experience is more festive.

6) Finish writing Drag Queens From Outer Space! Or: How I Learned To Love Managed Care™

7) Have a costume party for Halloween like I did back in the 1990s where everyone has to bring a food that is either orange, brown, or black in color. Very louche — lots of Cheetos, cupcakes with orange frosting, Cheez-Its, chocolate, Sunkist & rum cocktails, licorice, cheese, Velveeta (which, as we all know, is NOT cheese). All the major food groups.

Finish the entire Avon Houston 2-Day Walk for Breast Cancer in April. Raise $3600, which would be twice what I raised last year.

9) Keep The Precious, which is a 2003 VW Passat, running. It has nearly 70,000 miles on it. Loves The Precious!

10) Spread the deep, timeless wisdom of Dr. Ding far and wide across the internets and information superhighways of the known world.

11) Get back to the part of my former Exquisite Self Care routine that included biweekly massages, monthly pedicures, as-needed manicures, quarterly facials.

12) Actually use my reward points and frequent-flyer miles. Visit family and friends.

13) Do more for TMMSN instead of just sending my yearly check. Figure out what this will be.

14) Wash Pooperella more often, followed by more smooching and cuddling. Because it’s tough to cuddle something that smells like its own ass.

15) Take a vacation with The Beyonce to Mexico, get him tispy on cheap tequila, and force him to pose for pictures clad only in an oversized sombrero and a smile. Or a frown, as the case would likely be. A girl can dream, though.

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