When Will Jesus Bring The Doughnuts?
Just thought I’d give y’all a little update. I had reams of wild and woolly dreams last night, none of which I can presently remember clearly, but I’m pretty sure there was a giant sandwich involved in one of them.
Been doing a lot of musing and introspection lately, and let me tell you this; it totally blows donkey balls at 400 psi. I need to stop asking my patients to do this, it’s totally gnarly. Anycarbs, I realized last night that my problematic relationship with food probably began at a very young age, when I attended St. Patrick’s Church. The math went something like so:
GO TO CHURCH + DOUGHNUTS AFTERWARD = ETERNAL SALVATION
Does that sound right to you? I think I’m missing some kind of metaphysical denominator here, like “NUMBER OF SPRINKLES” or maybe “YOU’RE A GOOD GIRL!”.
Also: there is a poker cue jabbing me rather impertinently in the back of my brains at the moment. How to fix besides a trip to Dunkin Donuts? Please advise.
when I was a kid our church met in a Loew’s theater, and they started making the popcorn right as we let out. I have some weird-ass associations with movie popcorn now.
This is probably why I am not religious - there were never any donuts. Tonight, I shall shine a light on this for my children and let them know that the path to redemption most certainly requires chocolate raised donuts. I’ll keep you posted.
In other news, I too have been introspective lately and I’m not a big fan.
As a child in the Lutheran church, I firmly understood the direct correlation between carbs and redemption. Cookies, more often than doughnuts. Sometimes panckakes or coffeecake. Lots of coffeecake. They were weekly (also at weeknight events and bible studies, now that I think of it) stand-ins for communion wafers. Which are really just cookies. From Jesus.
I’m fat but maybe I’m a shoe-in at the pearly gates.
Coffee Justine. You forgot about the endless pots of coffee that St. Pats always had. You can’t do donuts without coffee, sheesh!
Hmmm, what’s my excuse? No church in my family. I’m pretty sure I can blame my mom and possibly my dad in equal measure. Who needs a church?
Have you tried moderation?
It’s really not that bad, once ya get used to it.
Ya know, instead of going all sugar cookie -> seaweed shakes.
Ah, St. Pat’s… my quality time away from school with the Dinglein…
Thank GJ, I gots me some mad metabolizing skillz…
(“…” = beasle musing frame of mind…)