Ike III: How To Keep From Going Batshit Crazy
Y’all. Dr. Ding has run out of helpful stuff to post, like where to find wood and water.
Today it’s all about keeping the Batshit Crazies at bay. You know what I mean; that zombie horde of thoughts that starts dragging itself through your mind all shambly and brains-eaty. Starts you to thinking that there’s no hope, not a prayer of relief in sight, that it’s never going to get better, that life will always be at this level of wrinkly donkey-ball suckage.
Fuck that noise.
Got no light? No power? Baby, you got all the spiritual light and power WITHIN your sacred ass. You have everything you need inside your very soul. And I’m telling you this as I sit here in dirty ole panties smelling like some kind of fancy French cheese up in here. We have (generator) power but no water, and we missed the curfew to go hose off our nethers.
Some nice distractions can be found below to help you stave off the urge to smear yourself in lipstick and run out into the street nekkid, shrieking “I’ma cut a bitch!” at the top of your lungs. Not that I would know anything about that kind of thing.
You see lately I’ve been leaning more towards wielding a cracked-off bottle of Old Drunken Grandpaw sour mash as I make rakishly sexy but also very menacing kung-fu moves at passers-by who look like they might have showered. I do this while clad in a distinctly non-supportive “underwire tank top” that now smells of guacamole and also a pair of what my mother would politely term “culottes” or possibly “ooh, gaucho pants!” but which are actually just a clever way of disguising my lower leg hair. And when I say clever? I mean: desperate, with a faint dusting of dog hair.
Where the fuck was I. Ah yes, diversions.
Salvation via crafting! Sew Crafty.
108 Major and Minor Defilements of Man, brought to you via @BikerBar
Thinks.com puzzles, games, all free
World of Inspiration lots of neat quotes
Try sitting zazen this is just one of many great ways to calm the mind via meditation
All my Bruce Lee gyrations have left me weary, my peeps.
Keep holdin’ it down, y’all.
I’ma continue to get more and more crackabilly the longer this Ike mess goes on.
You were warned. That’s really my old family homeplace in the pic above.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
Oh, Dinge. Still no running water?
http://www.scouting.org/BoyScouts/TeachingLeaveNoTrace/053c_dispose.aspx
Look at it this way. You are going back to your swarthy roots - like the Bohemian chick from high school we all knew and loved, but with aroma.
Oh, and there is money to be made by selling your smelly underpants to perves with sticky keyboards who sit in front of their square-headed girlfriend into the wee hours.
Don’t ask me how I know this.
I’m thinking of you, Dr. Ding. Yikes. Sounds like a rough existence at the present. I know you’re resilient, strong, sassy, saucy, and totally able to butch it up when the situation requires it. Still, I wish that things were easier for you right now.
Sometimes, I skip a shower now and then, but it’s by choice. I suppose it’s not so pleasant when you don’t have that choice available to you. For now, enjoy your stench. Embrace your stink. I think I remember reading once how people in the Victorian era only bathed once a month. I’m sure you smell better than they did. Pretend you’re a Victorian woman-or pretend you’re Laura Ingalls. I think she only bathed once a week or two, and that was after Pa, Ma, and Mary had already bathed in the tub of water. There was no mention in the “Little House” series about ripeness in the nethers, so I have to assume that things weren’t so bad.
If you send me your mailing address, I’ll send you a little box o’ goodies, including some nicely-scented Handiwipes.
Take care, Ding.
NDBeasle:
Honestly? I am thisclose to doing that. Still no water.
Anthony:
It’s rough, baby. Thanks for your kind thoughts. I laughed at the idea of any member of the Ingalls family even having “nethers”-I realized after reading your comment that I suppose I had always pictured them with some kind of nebulous “bathing-suit region” instead of actual nethery bits.
I will take you up on your offer of Handiwipes, good sir!
I can smell you from here.
Where the hell are you that you don’t have running water yet?
I may not have power, but I have hot water, a gas stove and non-stop entertainment from the neighbors.
If you want a shower, you are more than welcome to come over. It’s an old bathroom in Montrose, but it’s got hot water and a hand-held shower head to get in the cracks and crevices that ladies aren’t supposed to talk about.
Ali, Diva:
Girl. You are teh awesome to even attempt to take on my/our stank.
We live in 77007 near Studmemont and Washington. It’s a Charlie Foxtrot in terms of the water situation here…we have generator power that gives us limited usage but as yet, no water.
Thank you SO much for the offer. Tonight we’ve got an appointment at Chez Epiphenita, and we may rotate over to all y’all’s later in the week. Thank you thank you thank you. <3
You are quite welcome. I’m a tweet away! You aren’t that far from me. We are in the Taft/Alan Parkway vicinity.
You know you’re in trouble when after awhile the stank is so fwunka that you think it actually starts smelling good.
I know Nola is far, but the offer is always there and we do have http://www.endlessnight.com coming up
Plus my mom is so grateful y’all didn’t murder us in our sleep during Gustav that she has offered up another vacation refuge….lovely South Kingstown RI with beautiful beaches, the splendor of Newport and the proximity of cool arse Providence.
smoochies
j
Okay, my dear Ding. Your care package has been sent. I’m afraid that I had to use the USPS, though. I wanted to get it to you sooner, via FedEx, but they must have jacked up their prices for shipments to Houston. What a racket!! You’re more than worth it, sweet pea, but the cost of shipping was about 4 times the total cost of the provisions inside. You may get the box as soon as Saturday (I hope), but it may not arrive until Monday. By then, your alimentary and hygienic needs might already be met. Still, I couldn’t let the opportunity pass without trying to extend a little kindness to someone who has been through a lot. I look forward to the day when you are shittin’ in tall cotton once again.
I won’t give away all the surprises, but I will be curious to know: Does squeeze cheese really stop you up?
JeAnne:
Endless Night sounds fascinating! I could wear my wighat(s)! Your mom is a hoot, and you know what? That offer sounds truly hawesome right about now. Thanks honey!
Anthony:
Oh. Mah. Gah. Thankyou thankyou thankyou!
You = a Prince Among Men. I absolutely cannot wait to see what’s in the package! Also, just for your records…I could use some squeeze cheese for sho. We got “water” back last night, but the pressure is way low, so uh yes, I have some “alimentary” issues with which I am still contending. Ahem.
Hey lady!
You live right by us - if you need a shower sans hose email me!
Sarah-thanks, babe! We finally got a lil bit of water last night and were able to shower. Best. Shower. EVER.
Where, oh where, have you gone, Dear Dinglet? You are missed.
Unh, Ding so busy…
Unh, Ding so busy…
Unh, Ding so busy…
She not post in long time…
But I thought David said you had lost the battle to keep from going batshit crazy. Something about your Irish Catholic heritage…