100% Totally Mullet
Greetings. It’s summer here in Hellstown. Which can mean only three things.
1. I have the energy level of a slug in a mud puddle who just snorted up a couple of Quaaludes followed by a beer chaser aka 1970s Pornstar Happy Hour.
2. It’s humid, which makes my wrists and forearms stick to this here computer. It’s unpleasant.
3. The resultant torpor makes my grammar, pronunciation and usage of idiomatic expression come out all slow and rednecky. That’s right - Dr. Ding’s serum hillbilly levels rise precipitiously during the summer months. Which is why all I’m posting today is this here list from CaryMc over at LOTD.
You can thank me later.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
I went to the list of redneck saying and I am very hurt! I have said at least 5 of those listed and can list a number of very important ones that they missed. Busier than a one armed paper hanger. His elevator doesn’t go to the top floor. He’s not the sharpest knief in the drawer. He’s home but the lights aren’t on. Tough titty said the kitty but the milks still good. If wishes were horses all beggers would ride. I could go on for hours. So I guess I am going to have to get a mullet now. Is there some sort of ceremony or ritual to rid myself of my colorful country sayings. Something along the lines of an exorcism lite or do I just have to accept my heritage and move on?
I liked the “pregant pole vaulter” one. That’s one I had heard before. I just spent the three days with some Cub Scouts from southern Illinois - no rednecks there. Ha.
Dear Gail:
Your redneck cred is unassailable! I think you should accept your country-ass heritage and embrace it. Not everyone is as colorful as country folk; it’s a rare and wonderful thing, kinda like plumage on one of them real purty parroty birds.
Rock on. Sans mullet, please. If you get a mullet, then I have to get one, and you should totally wait for when I come visit. We’ll also eat some Cheez-Whiz di-reckly out of the jar to commemorate.
ndbeasle:
Oh my. I will commence to praying for your soul. Southern Illinois is no place for non-rednecks.