Ask Dr. Ding

Ed. note: By the Sacred Silver Go-Go Boots of GirlJesus™, Dr. Ding is delighted to take a break from her strenuous biweekly posting schedule featuring mostly YouTube videos, tiny monkeys, and random pelvic thrusting in order to respond to reader mail.

Dear Dr. Ding:

Why don’t you write some posts about all your interesting (or “clinically significant”) adventures at work, the crazy things your patients do? I know you, girl. You’ve worked in max. security prison, drug treatment, a pain management clinic, private practice, inpatient, outpatient, impatient (see I can be funny too), and now you work in long-term care. I know you must have some really funny stories in there. Dish.

You Know Who

Dear You Know Who:

Le heave. Le sigh. Dr. Ding most assuredly DOES possess a vast reservoir of highly clinically significant and/or hysterically funny anecdotes from her varied career to date. However, this stuff just isn’t cricket for me to offer up here for reader amusement. We can talk about my loathing of paradoxical intent, my delight in rediscovering Ericksonian hypnosis for pain control, and the fact that I find it disproportionately hilarious to call managed care “damaged care”…but I view the confidential bond between shrink and shrinkee as not just an ethical precept, but something inviolable, something actually sacred.

I know, I’m totally harshing your humor buzz, You Know Who. And I know you’re going to be annoyed with me personally, kind of like that time I spat out that hellish swill you call a well-made gin martini. But I just can’t talk about specifics. Can I speak in generalities about some rather uh whimsical social trends I’ve witnessed over the last couple of decades? Sure. Can I reveal the cure for aging in a scabrous yet silly way? Sure. But it ends there.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some go-go boots I must needs attend to fortwith. Chi Chi’s doesn’t take reservations after 7:00 p.m. you know, no matter whose spiritual posse you’re rolling with.

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