Dr. Phil: Dr. Ding Is Coming For Your Sorry, Dockers-Wearing Ass
Dr. Ding just read that Dr. Phil’s henchmen bailed a passel of teenagers out of jail what put the beat-down on another teenager and filmed it. He’s been trying to claim that it’s all a big misunderstanding and that said henchmen weren’t acting on his behalf and that they were just supposed to provide the means for these thugs to be able to appear on his show.
Shrinky say wha?
Nice job, Phil. Way to enable the living shit out of a bunch of junior-grade psychopaths. Here’s the message you’re sending: Want to get on national TV sporting some new threads and a pocketful of cash? Why, just mount up your bepimpled posse to go assault someone you wouldn’t have the courage to face mano-a-mano, and film it so you can relive your incredibly daring and well-choreographed triumph! When Dr. Phil springs your sorry ass from the jailtime you so richly deserve you can feel extra good about yourself and your choice of hobbies. No guilt! No consequences! Easy peasy.
I don’t even know what else to say here except that the world deserves Dr. Ding-style justice* and not Dr. Phil-style sensationalistic and utterly immoral quackery. But quick.
So Phil-baby. Consider this your official challenge: you and me, sans handlers, henchpersons and manservants, noon tomorrow, AskDrDing Comments, any choice of weaponry. Me, I’ll use my wits, my sass, and my keen sense of moral outrage. Also, I should let you know that my tiara doubles as a deadly, highly-glamorous boomerang. I’m assuming here that you will probably just bring your moustache, your grody attempts at folksy charm, and your boundless greed.
It’s on, Philly Mac. Come prepared to marshall some serious arguments in order to defend your actions from my scathing logic and general pissed-offedness. Bring it.
*Superficially, Dr. Ding-style justice looks a LOT like Drunken Monkey-style kung-fu, but let me assure you; it’s far more swift, and twice as deadly what with all the purse-windmilling, arm-flailing, and cheetah-like screaming going on.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
good luck Dinger!
it seems to me like “boundless greed’” has been on the winning side for, well…ever.
if all else fails, i recomend a crowbar. it’s also good for zombies.
using said crowbar on the faux doc, do not swing at that big head. it looks like it could take a good solid hit, concentrate on first taking out his means to escape, then sit back and take your time. maybe break for tea?
Quite so, Nater, quite so.
I hadn’t really considered a crowbar until now. I may just go for the kneecaps first per your recommendation of blocking his egress.
Lapsang souchong, methinks.
Can’t fool me…I know you’re trying to make up for falling short of your goal on the Avon Cancer walk-a-thon.
But, seriously, Dr. Phil should watch out…the good thing is TIIC can always replace him with his back-up, Dr. Feel (Don’t tell Dr. Phil, but I like that muppet better anyhow). :LOL:
I think more than a few sponsors would find it highly entertaining programming to broadcast Dr. Ding vs. Dr. Phil…. And certainly should find it in their interests to help save the ta-tas in the process…. I’d pay to see that.
More seriously, though. Thank you for articulating my incredibly indignation at Dr. Phil’s remarkable lack of awareness, if not downright unprofessionalism… As someone who has lately been facing too many challenges to my professional integrity (god forbid our fine young people actually do their homework instead of sending mama in to fight their battles, but that’s a story for another day), I find it offensive that this so-called professional gets away with this crap…
Yes. PLEASE kick his ass.
I don’t think I’ve mentioned this to you before, but my mother and I don’t really have much in common. Well other than being kin and our love for music I think it’s pretty safe to say we have nothing in common. One of the best examples of our polar opposition is the fact that she (please be sitting) … worships at the altar of Dr. Phil. It’s true. And she’s been doing so since he first came on the scene. Every now and then she’ll tell me about something he said in a man-isn’t-he-amazing tone. She knows I am no fan of his but never lets that dissuade her from hanging on every word he spews out on his show (and website - she’s a member).
Maybe if YOU kick his ass it’ll finally get through to her?? We can only hope.
Yes, I’m in therapy.
I think we could go posse to posse actually. I bet his pencil pushing underlings would cringe at the site of all the Dr. Dingers with crowbars in hand. I think it should happen in a staduim with world wide coverage. Do you think the Wild World of Sports would televise it?
Gail
OMG: this uprising of support is most enthusing!
And yes Gail, I suspect you’re quite correct here….Dingers vs Underlingers woul result in a total putsch. I think it might get a little heavy for national television.
I’m so proud.
OMGness! We have that DVD. Seriously. My husband is a 9th dgree Grand Master of Isshinryu karate and he collects silly things like this. Have you seen it? If you haven’t, you may want to before you start saying you’re going to use it. It’s a little, um, perverse. But then again…
Ane you really do need your own show sans Dr. Phil. He’d only get n the way.
BTW, I saw somebody at the mall who made me think of you. She was wearing a tiara and making balloon animals. But that’s not why I thought of you- she seriously needs your help. I’ll email the pic.