Ask Dr. Ding

Dr. Ding is feeling supremely snarky and would like to share with you the precipitant of said snarktasticness.

There is an actual online dating service called Pot Partners (I’m not putting the address on here because I don’t want to send them any traffic), designed for people who like to smoke marijuana and who are seeking other folks who a) also like to smoke or b) are tolerant of marijuana smoking in their partner.

Oh. My. Lords of Kobol.

Can you imagine what these relationships are like?

Home to many articulate, well-informed discussions about art, literature, and the state of humanity. Like dude there was this guy once who wrote a book and I think his last name was Bukowski and he was the shit, ok? Fucker was core. Could suck his own WANG bro, His Own Wang. Wow. And the way he wrote about it was ok I think that dude was seriously blazing 24-7, so creative bro. People nowadays are like so uptight and you never hear about this artistic shit anymore. They’re like all into like “working” and “achieving”, bro.

Jam-packed with fun activities and stimulating interests. Yo, Tulip, don’t bogart the blunt. You wanna go get some Chinese after this? No, you’re right, let’s just sit here and watch Magnum, P.I….that shit’s wired tight! Hey — uh did you ever figure out what we did with the remote to the TV? We don’t have a TV? Wow. That’s SO harsh.

Featuring a shared appreciation for high levels of personal hygiene. Um waaasup Trippy? Did you know your shower’s broken? I need to get some of these leaves out of my hair before we go to the Phish concert.

Great enjoyment of humor and witty remarks. That alpaca sweater you’re wearing is fug, man. Fuggy fug fug! It’s soooooo fuggy. Hey fuggers, why so fug? Fug! Fuggy fug-fug! Heehehehehe.

An appreciation of fine cuisine. I don’t feel like cooking, let’s just order pizza. No, wait bro. I see you’ve got taquitos in the freezer, so let’s totally eat those. Awesome.

Yes, one can certainly see how getting two lonely, baked-out loadies together for a relationship must lead to soul-searing romantic passion and long-term, deeply meaningful and spiritually-uplifting partnerships. Dr. Ding assumes that the sex however would mostly consist of some initial groping, followed by lackluster thrusting, interrupted by a very long nap and/or bouts of senseless giggling. How intimate! Yes, two potheads are so obviously better than one. Fucking sign my snarky ass up.