Ask Dr. Ding

Darling Readers:

Dr. Ding had a major vein “procedure” today in her right lower extremity. For those of you not conversant with medicobabble, that’s my right leg. And let me just say, I now 100% understand why people find Xanax so goddamned addictive. As I lay in the treatment room with cool ski-type goggles, getting somewhat (7 on a 0-10 scale) painfully zotzed by a laser inserted into a teeny-weeny tube into the saphenous vein, I certainly felt the discomfort but I just didn’t care. I even giggled once or twice. The doc said at the end “You did really well with this!” to which I replied, “Hey, you weren’t too bad yourself” and kinda (gasp) winked. I think. It was hard to tell at that point.

Xanax is a relatively newfangled anxiolytic drug of the benzodiazepine class used to treat acute anxiety. It’s the Valium of the 1990s onward. It can be highly addictive if used improperly, and apparently it makes Dr. Ding extra-festive, which is sort of like having Carmen Miranda wear like 6 more bunches of grapes on her hat. A Little Much.

In old folks, I’ve found Xanax to often be disinhibiting, which means that its use sometimes results in bingo-game smooching, toplessness, sudden QVC cubic zirconia orders, and temper tantrums over the wrong brand of Pull-Ups. Luckily I’m only in my late 30s! Today I got a major dose of enlightenment of what drives those discombobluated behaviors in the elderly, as well as benzo addiction in general, first hand and up-close.

Woooo eeeeee! Momma likes her medicine.