Rock-Hard TaTas
Lately Dr. Ding cannot help but notice the Tribble-like proliferation of fake boobs on TV, in magazines, in catalogs….SHOE catalogs for chrissakes people. What do big, spherical boobs that jut out of a woman’s chest like so much overinflated dodge ball have to do with comfort-insole clogs I ask you?
I know sex sells, but I fail to understand how bolting two silicone cantaloupes to ones’ chest makes for sexy times. It looks so fake, and even the most subtle “breast enhancements” are immediately identifiable because of the peculiarly symmetric look to the tops of the breasts.
It would appear that these fugly breasticles are either a form of penis envy or perhaps symbolic inadequacy.
Their presence seems to shout “Here, look at my Gigantic Lady Lumps. LOOK AT THEM!! You cannot look away, you are hypnotized by their phallus-like prominence and power. Look…..loooook!”
or
“Maybe if I get these porn-star mammaries I won’t have to think about why I never finished college, or why I date men with Issues, or why I have absolutely no discernable life direction.”
Or perhaps Dr. Ding is merely being harsh.
I know, after all, that some women have misshapen or surgically-scarred breasts post-mastectomy or following the nursing of extremely hungry quadruplets. Or they have unsightly gunshot or stab wounds. Or perhaps their breasts simply failed to develop at all, or developed completely lopsided. Under these conditions, I think it’s understandable for a woman to want to have gobs of saline-filled plastic inserted into her chest. But, barring some form of mutilation or developmental problem, it doesn’t somehow seem prudent, for lack of a better term.
What’s next, gigantic inflatable penises for men, replete with inner thigh holster? Tennis ball-sized testicular inserts to promote ones masculinity?
The answer? Hell no.
Men would never fall for this foolishness. First of all, their junk is covered up; you seldom see a man strutting into work wearing pants with a low-cut waistband, featuring his frontal padonkadonk. They have no need to showcase, lest they be fired, arrested, etc. Second, men just don’t give a damn. They really don’t. They may secretly wonder from time to time if their special parts measure up, but most of the time they believe themselves to be fine Just As God Made Them, thank you very fucking much.
Last, men are socialized to think of themselves, whereas women are socialized to think of others. Therefore, men tend to not worry quite as much about how they look. Certainly there are lots of exceptions, but overall and in general terms, men just don’t seem to spend nearly the amount of time as women do worrying and fretting about their looks.
So ladiez, if you’re contemplating getting fake boobicles while reading this post, think about how your ginormous funbags are going to look when you’re 85, if you don’t die from some kind of silicone leakage first. Think about other qualities you would like to improve upon, perhaps relating to your career or education or leisure pursuits. Think about how you see yourself not only as a woman, but also as a person. Ask yourself “Would I want my daughter to have this procedure? Would I want my best friend to?” Ask yourself these hard questions. Ask someone you trust to be honest with you. Are you trying to conform to some standard of beauty that you’ve never questioned? Do you want to be able to run and do yoga and play sports? Or do an accurate breast self-exam? Or get a decent mammogram? Or nurse a baby? Have you done your research? Really?
Dr. Ding isn’t saying that all women who undergo tittietization are fundamentally insane, with jarringly low self-worth and a woefully inadequate knowledge of the wonderful world of push-up bras.
It’s just that so many of them look that way.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
I must be getting bored in the evening. I keep responding.
I wouldn’t mind having balls as big as Church bells, but I run. May be a little awkward having my junk fall out of my running shorts.
What I wanted to say, though, was that Amy has lost over one hundred pounds. Half of that seems to have been in her breasts. I would love to be able to afford surgery for her to get some of the power back. Not just toys for me - she would like to get a cup-size or two back.
Oh, Ding, Darling. I hate to wish the sort of mental and eyeball scarring that will result from this on anyone, least of all you, but you may want to Google search some of the male enhancements you mention (and that you think no male would undergo). Because they not only exist as options-men have undergone them. (And there are PICTURES! Gag.) I assure you that fake breasticles are far more attractive than what you will see. (Although I’m pro the natural boob, myself.)
Leslie