Too Often Punched by an Angel: Money. Sex. Drugs. Death.
What it do, homiez?
The title of this post has to do with the four topics psychotherapists and counselors least like discussing with their patients/clients, yet which are often the sources of a whole rickety raft of emotional pain and behavioral discombobulation. Many mental health practitioners tend to avoid these like the plague.
Not Dr. Ding.
I like to just wade right in, once I’ve got a little rapport going. Some of my best conversational gambits have been:
“Uh, hey, just how much are you liking those two Vicodin 7.5/750s you’re taking every four hours?”
“Ever declared bankruptcy? How good are you at addition and subtraction?”
“Just how horny are you?” or “Exactly how unsatisfying is your sex life?”
and
“Anybody up and died on you lately?”.
I know, I know, it sounds god-awful and you now see me as an insensitive, boorish blah blah blah blah. But, on the upside, driving the mack truck of potentially embarrassing interrogatives gets them over with, and asking them crack-off-the-bat like this tends to make any following questions seem incredibly non-threatening, tame, easy-to-answer, et cetera. I also like to think that being irreverent right up front tends to free up folks to just be who they are with me, and to get to that kind of level of emotional honesty that makes for good psychotherapy progress (eventually).
Dr. Ding does not advocate using these openers willy-nilly, but she does think it very droll to entertain the notion that perhaps the world would be a bit better place if we could talk about all these things with using a frigging shitload of euphemisms and denial, a la “My child would never have premarital relations or consider abusing substances!” Jeebus. Blow out the gaslights and switch to electric. Or: “S/he passed away.” Why not just say they were punched by an angel instead? I love it when people say money’s a little tight right now when the truth is more like “I was seeing a very special lady and spent all my money taking her out for ramantic dinners hired a hooker and did blow off her right asscheek all night.”
It’s good to ask direct questions, but only if you can handle the responses and not run away like a little Victorian girly-mon, pigtails a-flying, shrieking into the night.
Not that Dr. Ding has never done that, particularly not very early in her career, say, circa June 1, 1993 while wearing a large bow in her hair and sporting a long pink floral dress with white tights. Oh never.
| Etsy: QueenBodacious |
I love this post. I think there are many circumstance where just coming out and being direct about things can be very helpful. i would use caution doing this in every day situations. People are simply not used to this kind of direct honesty. As a woman, I have had men think I am coming onto them when they start a conversation about sex and I answer them. I have had people look shocked and amazed when they ask me how my husband died and I have no issue telling them. It happened, it’s done and it’s over. I have hurt my drug addict friends feelings when I told them I won’t send them money to buy food for the baby because I know damn well they won’t use the money for baqby food. And money is my favorite. Most people I know who complain about money, spend to much on shit they don’t need. Hmmmm….wwwhhaaaaa I don’t have any money, but when lunch time comes around, it’s all about “let’s go out to eat.” Hmmmm……maybe you should start packing since money is so tight. People can’t handle the truth. A bitching crew is a happy crew, but it doesn’t mean I can’t tell it like it is. Thanks for the great post!
Let’s see if we can figure the ones you forgot?
◘”Can’t you just admit that you are the total f*ck-up that everyone thinks you are?”
◘”I would have to agree that it is all your fault”
◘”Why are you crying?” “Stop crying.”
◘”You were raised Catholic, weren’t you?”
◘ “Just how often are you whacking off, anyway?”
◘Followed quickly by “Can I get you some evocative pictures of me to support your feeble imagination?”
I hope nobody that knows me reads this…
Thomas
Wow. If people asked questions like these, it’d make life so much more interesting. Instead, most of what passes as conversation is painfully bland, when you just know that there’s so much more really to be said.
Leslie