How To Choose A Therapist
Hell if I know, but lots of you have asked about how to choose a psychotherapist. Dr. Ding thinks you should first check out APA’s website. There are also lots of other sites, like www.PsychCentral.com, that will actually give you pretty good, serious answers.
Dr. Ding is here to give you good, non-serious answers. If you choose to glean some sort of actual understanding or clarity from them, it’s your nickel.
1. If there is an excessive amount of animal fur present in the consultation area (the room where you sit and talk), think twice. It’s Dr. Ding’s opinion that this area is to be considered sacred space. Failing that, it shouldn’t be a place where cats lick their genitals, where meals are prepared or eaten, or where you notice anything resembling a lack of confidentiality. Some therapists work from home, some from offices, some inside large agencies. It’s perfectly fine to work from home, but the area should look clean and professional.
The space where you meet should be clean, safe, and private. Under no circumstances should you engage in psychotherapy on a leaking, sinking garbage barge. There should be some sort of window covering so your confidentiality is preserved, as well as a nitrogen-rich atmosphere. A door is often helpful, as are walls and a comfortable chair or sofa. You get the idea.
2. Pay attention to your feelings. For once. For Chrissakes. If you’re feeling uncomfortable with the devotional velvet depiction of The Last Supper hanging on the wall over a couch that smells like things that are best kept inside underpants, this probably means something important.
Also: when you make that initial appointment, you’re evaluating your new potential shrink just as much as they’re evaluating you. So, if you feel hinky, remember that you don’t have to come back. Or even stay the whole 50 minute hour.
Remember — you don’t have to tell everything all at once in the first session. If you feel pressed more than just slightly beyond* your comfort zone for human interaction to reveal stuff you’d rather not deal with, you should feel comfortable saying no. If this isn’t respected, move on.
3. Do you feel listened to and taken seriously? If not, go to someone else. Psychotherapy is predicated upon the healing relationship achieved by patient and therapist, which includes stuff like trust, openness, respectful communication, blah blah. But be sure ask yourself if deep down you feel that this person is “getting” you. Sometimes it takes more than one session before this kind of rapport can be achieved, but you probably have all the information you need about this within the first 10-15 minutes.
4. If you end up listening to your shrink’s problems, run. I mean it. This means something is seriously wrong. It’s one thing for a therapist to break the ice a little by self-disclosing stuff like where she or he went to school, how long they’ve lived in the area, et cetera, but if the session trends off into a lengthy revelation of their visits to Betty Ford, their AA sponsor’s hairstyle, their past 4 marriages, their problems with their parents…that means that This Isn’t Therapy, and you’re wasting your money, time and mental health.
Git. I’ve known people like this. In Dr. Ding’s book, such unbridled narcissism within the consultation room an unpardonable sin.
5. Don’t drink or pop a sedative prior to choosing your therapist. It’s normal to be a little anxious, and sometimes there’s an urge to have an extra-large margarita prior to seeing this perfect stranger you’re planning on spilling your guts to. Don’t. It will sully your judgement and instincts. Take a deep breath, and be yourself. If you present the tipsy you, your shrink won’t be getting good data about who you really are. Oh yeah, and they shouldn’t be tipsy, either. Or sleeping.
So there you have it. Some day Dr. Ding will regale you with horror stories about bad counselors, therapists and even psychologists she has known personally, but it’s getting to be time for bed.
*It’s normal to feel slightly taken aback by a shrink’s questions. After all, that’s part of the job description, asking about stuff that’s pesky, irritating, and bothersome. But again, a good therapist will respect your desire to not talk about something, especially in that first critical meeting.
