Making The Most Out Of Your Recession

Dr. Ding spent like ten thousand years in Gradual School, so I know all kinds of helpful shit about how to survive on nothing but a flat of Ramen noodles and a single pack of generic cigarettes for a week. About sending the wrong check “by mistake” to a creditor, thereby buying yourself some extra time on what would have otherwise been a past-due bill. About making that student loan stretch just far enough to pay for an ill-fated camping trip the Badlands of South Dakota where you listened to “Personal Jesus” by Depeche Mode like seven thousand times with your very patient but very adenoidal best friend whose stentorian snoring caused you to develop a heavy-duty Benadryl addiction.

Where was I going with this verysexy post?

Tip #1: Buy generic Benadryl. It’s a lot cheaper.

Tip #2: If a donkey sticks its head inside your car window, it’s best not to drive off in a panic. What happens? Giant goddamn donkey-panic boogers, that’s what. Costly to remove.

Tip #3: Now is a good time to eat rice, beans, and eggs. And to fart with wild abandon.

Tip #4: Streaming Netflix, people. Look into it.

Tip #5: I’m back, bitchez.